Auditions

No Sex Please, We’re British

A Farce in Two Acts by Alistair Foot and Anthony Marriott

PERFORMANCE DATES: October 9–10, 16–17, 23–24

DIRECTED BY: Michael R. Stevenson

SYNOPSIS

Peter Hunter has just landed a promotion to assistant manager at a small suburban bank branch — and moved into the flat upstairs with his brand-new bride, Frances. Life should be simple. Instead, when Frances innocently mails off an order for some Scandinavian glassware, the post office delivers something else entirely: a package of risqué Scandinavian photographs.

One mix-up snowballs into an avalanche. More parcels arrive — books, films, and eventually two very enthusiastic young women — all addressed to the Hunters’ flat. Desperate to get rid of the evidence before anyone notices, Peter and Frances rope in the bank’s high-strung head cashier, Brian Runnicles, to help them dispose of it all. But hiding the problem only makes it worse, especially with Peter’s overbearing mother, a bank inspector, and the local police all liable to walk through the door at any moment.

What follows is a classic door-slamming British farce: mistaken identities, frantic hiding places, and one respectable young couple trying desperately to look completely normal while their flat fills up with contraband.

Characters

PETER HUNTER — The newly promoted assistant bank manager. Earnest, easily flustered, and utterly devoted to keeping up appearances — even as his flat descends into chaos. Male, 20s–30s.

FRANCES HUNTER — Peter’s new wife. Quick-witted and game for anything, she’s often the one improvising her way out of trouble. Female, 20s–30s.

BRIAN RUNNICLES — The bank’s chief cashier, dragged into the Hunters’ predicament against his better judgment. The put-upon “fall guy” of the piece — timid, easily bullied, but surprisingly resourceful under pressure. A big physical comedy role. Male, 20s–40s.

ELEANOR HUNTER — Peter’s mother. Proper, opinionated, and always arriving at exactly the wrong moment. Female, 50s–60s.

MR. BROMHEAD — The bank’s manager and Peter’s boss. Stuffy, easily scandalized, and obsessed with the bank’s reputation. Male, 40s–60s.

MR. NEEDHAM — A visiting bank inspector, easily led and comically oblivious to what’s really going on around him. Male, 40s–60s.

SUPERINTENDENT PAUL — A local police superintendent, overzealous about minor matters and always suspicious. Male, 30s–50s.

SUSAN and BARBARA — Two good-humored young women who show up as part of the “delivery,” fully intent on having a good time regardless of the circumstances. Comic, high-energy roles. Female, 20s.

DELIVERY MAN — A small but pivotal role — his perfectly timed entrance turns the whole mess up a notch. Male, any age.

No experience necessary

Please prepare a memorized joke to present at auditions. You will also be expected to read from selections that may or may not come from the shows you are interested in.